


Oh God How His Alternate Was An Asshole.

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Blood, I'm Sorry, Kissing, M/M, Pitch relationship, Why Did I Write This?, i dont know how to tag this, kind of, selfcest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-29
Updated: 2016-02-29
Packaged: 2018-05-23 23:44:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6134155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kankri meets one of his alternates. They do not like each other at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh God How His Alternate Was An Asshole.

It was weirder the more he thought about it. He was literally the biggest asshole he had ever met. Well, not his literally self, but at least the alternate he kept running into. The Derse dreamer him.

Of course, he was a Prospit dreamer, and when he ran into the other, he was absolutely confused. The other Kankri seemed confused as well, before telling him to fuck off and walked right past him. How rude. He would just have put it off as another annoying alternate with no manners if he didn’t end up running into him again.

He was casually on a walk, thinking to himself about what Porrim and he had discussed earlier today about the hemospetrum, and he found the asshole sleeping against a tree. There were plenty alternates of himself around, but this one had been encountered more times than any other of the others. They usually met once and were never seen again. But here this on was, dressed in a grey tee shirt, not even having dignity enough to at least sleep inside of his hive or something. 

Kankri continued his thoughts as the other woke up.

"0h, why hell9! I see that y9u fell asleep 9utside. Why in heavens name w9uld y9u d9 that? Y9u c9uld catch a c9ld with h9w freezing it is in this dream 6u66le!" It was quiet cold, but he was kind of exadurating on his part. You’d really get a cold staying out here, it wasn’t that cold.

"It's perfectly fine 9ut here. St9p fucking ar9und in a c9lor like that t9." The alternate stood up and jabbed a finger in his chest. "S9mething like that will get y9u killed." Then they turned around and walked away, like nothing happened. They didn’t even seem to notice they were the same person. And how rude they had been! It’s triggered him! Didn’t he have any feelings toward the people around him, even if they were the same crummy versions of himself?

He found him again about three weeks later, just when he was hoping that they would never cross paths again. He was simply reading a human literacy book when the other sat down beside him.

"I think I’ve seen y9u 6ef9re. Were y9u that ass h9le that was wearing a sweater in perfectly nice weather?"

"Yes. And y9ur the alternate i f9und sleeping 9utside. Y9u sh9uld 6e sleeping in d99rs. If it were c9ld en9ugh, then y9u c9uld 9f g9tten sick."

"W9w. D9n't 6e such an assh9le."

"What?!" That surprised him. He was not an asshole! They barely knew each other, and he was already being insulted. Not like other version of himself would insult him, that was simply rude and they knew that. What was with this guy?

"Y9u w9rry t9 much. D9nt 6e an assh9le 9ver small things like that. It 69thers pe9ple." The other smiled, picking at the fraying strings on his grey sleeves. He had never been more insulted by himself in his entire life span. 

"I am n9t 6eing an 'assh9le'. Pard9n my triggering language there, n9t like y9u w9uld care very much. D9 y9u realize h9w triggering it is t9 pe9ple if y9u c9me up t9 them and call them names? Insulting names even. It is-" He stopped when a hand clamped over his mouth.

"Shut up. I d9n't give three fucks a69ut this, and i d9nt need t9 6e lectured 6y myself t9 kn9w that i insult pe9ple."

He growled at the other, wanting them to take their hand of his mouth. He didn’t like being touched, but if they kept it on his face another moment, there would be conquences. 

A moment passed and neither of them had moved. Kankri bit down hard on the other him's hand, and they simply moved it away, not even crying out. He made them bleed, and even though he felt bad about that, but he felt like he had to do something. 

"W9w, that's a nice shade 9f red. Super ugly t9. Kind 9f like that shitty sweater y9ur wearing." The other Kankri was smiling, pushing his buttons like this. Like he knew what he was doing.

"My m9iral made this f9r me, thank y9u very much. And it represents my 6l99ds c9l9r that i wear freely and pr9undly. F9r y9u t9 insult me like this is 6ey9nd triggering. Even-"

"Pitch?"

"N9... well, yes. Exactly like that. What d9 y9u think y9ur trying t9 d9? I d9nt d9 quadrants-"

"Y9u just said y9u had a m9iral."

"N9t 6y my 9wn free will."

"6ut it’s still a quadrant."

"Then i d9nt participate in having a keismesis or matesprite!"

"Sad. Y9ur missing 9ut 9n a l9t 9f stuff. It like y9u set y9ur happiness 9n fire and just didn’t give a fuck."

Kankri lectured his ass hole of an alternate about quadrants and celibate’s for a good hour, gratefully without the other interrupting. He felt like he was getting through to the other about his topic for at least a little bit. He turned to face him. He seemed really bored.

"Have y9u 6een listening t9 me at all?!"

"N9t really cupcake. B9red 9ut 9f my mind."

"Uggg... Y9u-" He couldn’t say anything, as the other grabbed his shoulders and pulled him into a harsh kiss. He attempted to pull away from this, but the other had a stronger grip than he did. He was being kissed by himself in a very pitch manner, and he did not like it. He had been pissing him off all day, and this is what happens?! Was he hitting on him in a black way the whole time?!

His thoughts were cut off and the other bit on his lip, and hard. He made it so he started bleeding, and he cried out a little. It really hurt! The other only took this opportunity to stick his tongue in with his. This was so gross. It was hard to concentrate how horrible it was when somebody was trying to make out with you. 

After about 4 minutes of this or so, he finally pushed the other off. 

"What d9 y9u think y9u were d9ing?!" He wiped his bleeding lip, a string of spit connecting between their mouths. Disgusting.

The other gave him a smug smile. "It can't c9unt if it's with y9urself right? N969dy will 6elive y9u if y9u say y9urself attempted t9 make 9ut with y9urself. It w9ul s9und weird, and redicul9us." He got up and started to walk away, "H9pe t9 catch y9u in the heat 9f the m9ment again s9metime."

Oh god how his alternate was an ass hole.

**Author's Note:**

> This is really terrible and i'm sorry.


End file.
